1995 Fools: TidBITS#270/01-Apr-95
TidBITS#270/01-Apr-95
=====================
Welcome once again to yet another issue of TidBITS. This week
brings you some irrelevant articles about topics you probably
don't give a damn about. In fact, just pack it up and don't
read this issue. Go outside, get some sun, and have a life,
okay? You probably need the disk space anyway, and besides,
I was sick last week, so you might come down with a nasty
throat infection coupled with a cold if you're exposed to
this file. Sniff.
This issue of TidBITS sponsored in part by:
* The letter "I" and the number "0"
Without which none of your I/O subsystems would work.
* Worst of the Web -- http://turnpike.net/metro/mirsky/Worst.html
Perpetuating user disorientation since, well, about January.
* Useless WWW Pages Hall of Fame -- Celebrating Inanity
http://www.primus.com/staff/paulp/useless/hall-of-fame.html
* Human Internet Relay -- Some of the best runners in the world
bringing you packets one step at a time.
Copyright 1990-1995 Adam & Tonya Engst. Details at end of issue.
Information: <info@tidbits.com> Comments: <editors@tidbits.com>
---------------------------------------------------------------
Topics:
MailBITS/01-Apr-95
Microsoft to Corner Floppy Market?
Assault and Battery
OpenDoc Suckers
C What I Mean?
SimWord
Newt's Grand Old Party
Reviews/01-Apr-95
ftp://ftp.tidbits.com/pub/tidbits/issues/1995/TidBITS#270_01-Apr-95.etx
MailBITS/01-Apr-95
------------------
**Future of the Web?** -- I'd like to share an Internet utility
that I think has great potential to help us break out of the rut
that we've gotten into on the Web. Interlaced GIFs are all fine
and nice, but tools like Nutscapify stand to really make a
difference. I plan to use it for all of my Web pages in the
future. As a sample, try the multiple line URL below. [ACE]
http://thule.mt.cs.cmu.edu:8001/cgi-bin/nutscapify?url=http%3A%2F%2Fhome.
netscape.com%2F&font=random&ol=none&blink=random&ul=off¢er=off&hr=off
**We'd Like to Thank The Academy** -- In a ceremony held in
Hollywood early last week, TidBITS was presented with an Academy
Award for Best Short Electronic Newsletter with Weird
Capitalization Written Directly for the Internet. "Unfortunately,
due to technical difficulties," said presenter Pierce Brosnan,
"delivery of the award won't be possible until the Academy is
satisfied that the award can be securely transferred over the
Internet. There are a lot of people out there who'll go to any
lengths to get their hands on one of these," he added, hefting the
weighty statuette. TidBITS editor Adam Engst would have liked to
have been present at the awards ceremony, but they wouldn't
install a T-1 line and a Mac 660AV with a video camera up to the
podium so he could watch with CU-SeeMe. [GD]
**What Me, Monopolize?** -- In a move that may ruffle the feathers
of the FTC, Melinda French, the wife of Microsoft's billionaire
owner Bill Gates, announced today that she intends to buy Compaq
Computer for an undisclosed amount of cash and Microsoft stock.
French said, "This is a personal investment, and should not in any
way be viewed as an official Microsoft acquisition, and there will
be no connection between Microsoft and Compaq" adding that she's
wanted to own a PC hardware company "ever since I was a kid."
Previously working in the same division that produced Microsoft
Bob, Microsoft's so-called social interface, French said she just
had "to get away from that damn rodent," and, "I've always used
Compaq machines at work, and they seem to be pretty good."
Nonetheless, analysts pointed at the immediate move by Compaq to
install a Bob-friendly minimum of 32 MB of RAM in every computer
sold.
Justice Department chief Anne Bingaman, reached for comment at her
home, said, "Frankly, I don't see the problem. If Melinda wants to
buy Compaq, that's her business, and the Justice Department isn't
going to harass her about any monopoly proceedings." Judge Sporkin
refused to comment, but made irate gurgling noises. Rumor has it
that the rest of the PC industry is considering merging in an
effort to compete with what many view as a combined
Microsoft/Compaq juggernaut. [ACE]
Microsoft to Corner Floppy Market?
----------------------------------
by Geoff Duncan <geoff@tidbits.com>
When released later this year, Windows 95 is expected to ship on
24 to 28 high density floppy disks, and as a result, rumors have
abounded that Microsoft is amassing huge quantities of floppies in
anticipation of fulfilling millions of orders for the new
operating system. This has led to speculation on the world-wide
commodity markets that the release of Windows 95 may cause a
floppy disk media shortage, causing prices for floppy media to
increase.
Microsoft officially refused to comment on this speculation.
However, TidBITS managed to speak with a Microsoft program manager
about the issue under conditions of anonymity. "Think about it,"
our source said. "Wouldn't Microsoft want the price of floppy
disks to be as high as possible when Windows 95 ships? If you need
disks, then, the cheapest way to get them in bulk will be to
**buy** a copy of Windows 95! It's definitely a market-saturation
move." TidBITS managed to obtain an early copy of the Windows 95
registration card. In addition to normal registration information,
the card includes a checkbox to indicate "I bought Windows 95 just
for the floppy disks."
Microsoft tested the market-saturation idea earlier this year with
its Macintosh products by releasing Microsoft Office on
approximately 40 floppies and then continually delaying the CD
version of Office containing the Power Mac-native version of Word
6.0. "The feedback was less than positive," our source said, "but
we think we'll get it right this time."
In light of this information, TidBITS would like to applaud the
efforts of America Online, which has been frantically sending
multiple floppy disks free of charge to Mac, PC, and refrigerator
owners for the last year. AOL has also attempted to prevent the
floppy shortage by bundling disks with newsstand copies of
Macworld, Byte, and Ladies Home Journal. In a related
announcement, avant-garde artist Christo announced last week that
he plans to tile the exterior of New York's Guggenheim Museum in
Mac and PC versions of AOL disks. The proposed work is an
impressionistic scene entitled "Washington Crossing the Internet."
Information from:
Christo Pink Plastic Foundation, Ltd.
Pythaeus
Tarot readings
Assault and Battery
-------------------
by Mark H. Anbinder, News Editor <mha@baka.ithaca.ny.us>
Director of Technical Inertia, Baka Industries Inc.
In a move related to last week's announcement of free replacements
for Apple's original M5140 PowerBook AC adapters, Apple announced
that, effective 01-Apr-95, it will provide replacement batteries
at no cost to certain PowerBook owners. This announcement follows
the discovery that the batteries do not continue to provide
electrical power to the PowerBook following more than a couple of
consecutive hours of use.
Reportedly, Apple has determined through extensive testing that,
after a period ranging from one-and-a-half to four hours of
typical use, the batteries shipped with the 100-series PowerBooks
fail to keep the PowerBooks running. Symptoms of this failure
range from the appearance of inconvenient dialog boxes to
unexpected data loss when the PowerBook suddenly ceases to
function.
Apple engineers claim that this behavior can be expected from
standard battery technology, but the company's public relations
division felt that users were confused by the inconsistent supply
of electricity from the batteries. "Users feel that a battery
powered device simply ought to keep running," explained Jan
Gesmar-Larsen, general manager of Apple Germany. When asked about
the typical effective life of a standard Walkman battery, Larsen
said, "That pink rabbit in the commercials just keeps on going,
why can't PowerBooks?"
Users who take advantage of this new customer satisfaction program
will receive Apple's new "FusionPower" PowerBook battery product
in exchange for their old battery. Different FusionPower models
are available for the PowerBook 100, PowerBook 140-180 models,
200-series PowerBook Duo models, and the current 500-series
PowerBook models. Apple estimates that these power packs, based on
a new hydrogen fusion technology, will provide the average user
with 400 years of power on a PowerBook 100 or a Duo, and 750 years
of power on other 100-series or any 500-series PowerBook.
(Additional FusionPower batteries are available for 500-series
PowerBook owners who wish to take advantage of the second battery
compartment.)
Because of the nature of the technology, Apple says that only
certain PowerBook users qualify for this free battery replacement
program. Owners in the United States must first apply for a
license with the Nuclear Regulatory Commission and then send a
notarized copy to Apple's Customer Assistance Center along with a
lead-lined shipping carton. Outside the U.S., Apple recommends
that users contact CERN in Geneva, Switzerland for appropriate
licensing information. In addition, Apple warns that the
FusionPower batteries must be stored in their plastic carrying
cases. "If one of these suckers shorts out on a paper clip in your
briefcase," said Larsen, "we might have to evacuate the
surrounding city."
Former Apple CEO John Sculley, an early tester of the FusionPower
technology, was curiously unavailable for comment. A technical
support representative at Apple's 800/SOS-APPL facility in Austin,
Texas, asked about the procedures for replacement, replied, "Are
you sure your PowerBook 170 is still in warranty?"
Information from:
Apple propaganda
OpenDoc Suckers
---------------
by Tonya Engst <tonya@tidbits.com>
Impatiently waiting for the wonders of OpenDoc? Wait no longer!
You can now have your OpenDoc cake and eat it too. A software
startup from Georgia has announced CodeSucker, a program that
beats Apple to the OpenDoc punch. The company, Sucker Software,
uses early OpenDoc technology and a patented coding technique.
CodeSucker will list for $69, require System 7.5, and work on any
Macintosh newer than the Plus (Sucker Software couldn't get around
certain Plus ROM problems), although reports from beta sites
indicate that it tends to be quirky when running on docked Duos
(the MiniDock is fine, of course). Installed, the program consumes
a mere 400K of disk space, and its minimum RAM allocation is 700K,
but you can expect a minor increase (perhaps 5K) for every Feature
module that you add, but with a cap of 10 percent per year above
inflation, and a lifetime cap of 32 percent.
**Getting Started** -- To begin using CodeSucker, you use its
Starter Control Panel to create a document - aptly named a Feature
List - that lists the features you want to use with later with
CodeSucker. Where do you get the features? You select them from
software currently installed on your hard disk. CodeSucker looks
into the code resources in your programs and creates a list of
features, in much the same way that an AppleScript editor can see
a list of AppleScript "commands" inside an application. For
example, when I tried my review copy of CodeSucker, I sucked the
Outline and Heading styles feature out of Word 5.1, the envelope
printing feature from Now Contact, and the Transaction Register
from Managing Your Money. (I was trying to create a humdinger of a
billing system.)
Because you can only create your Feature List from software
installed on your hard disk, Sucker Software maintains that they
have made a reasonable effort to avoid piracy problems, though a
few issues remain. Lesly Smith, Sucker Software VP of Legal
Affairs, estimated that Sucker Software's venture capital set
aside for legal issues would last until "well past the year 2075."
She also said that the company would pay for any legal costs
incurred by its customers as a result of using CodeSucker Feature
modules.
After saving your Feature List, you send it to Sucker Software.
The company's programmers (and yes, they are hiring in droves -
email <jobs@sucker.com>), then use Code Sucker technology to suck
out the code for features you want to use in CodeSucker. The code
gets converted into a set of Feature modules, and the folks at
Sucker Software guarantee a two week turn around time. (I got mine
back in nine days along with a t-shirt that says in big letters,
"Code Sucks" on the front and "Suck Code" on the back.)
CodeSucker's interface lets you create most anything you'd like,
within the confines of a Macintosh window. The CodeSucker
interface is elegant, with a fruity nose, and somewhat strong oak
overtones. My billing system worked wonderfully, and I feel as
though I've been sucked into the Macintosh even further.
**Pricing** -- The $50 fee for CodeSucker includes the conversion
of fifty-one features, with two free shipments of completed
feature modules, and a free lollipop with each shipment.
Additional features cost $1.57 each.
Ordering additional modules is a bit quirky - due to the religious
beliefs of the company's CEO, customers must always own an odd
number of Feature modules. This relates to the philosophical
belief that you should, "never give a sucker an even break." Plan
to always order such that you end up with an odd number of
modules, and add an extra dollar per module for any software older
than three years.
After your initial two rounds of free shipments, additional
shipments cost $5.00 to customers in the U.S.; prices vary for
other parts of the world. Expect prices in excess of $20 for
shipments to Mars and other planets.
**Future Plans** -- CodeSucker currently only runs on the
Macintosh, and your Feature modules must come from Mac software,
even if you are running SoftWindows or a DOS Compatibility Card.
Sucker Software does have cross-platform plans, with versions
planned for OS/2 and the NeXT OS. (According to sources, Steve
Jobs is a member of the company's board of directors.) Will Sucker
Software develop a product for Windows? "Frankly," I was told by
Marketing Manager Jim Smith, "according to our market research,
there are few features in Windows programs that people want.
However, Windows users are interested in a product that would port
features from other platforms, and we are currently discussing how
we might best implement such a product." Smith is optimistic about
the company's future success. The way he sees it, "there's a
customer born every minute."
Sucker Software -- <info@sucker.com>
C What I Mean?
--------------
by Geoff Duncan <geoff@tidbits.com>
UrbanWerks Incorporated, a startup company based in the Cayman
Islands with employees worldwide, today announced the immediate
availability of its new Macintosh application development
environment, Multimedia C++ 1.0. "This product marks a transition
from the traditional software development model," says UrbanWerks
chairman Ian P. Frehley. "It's geared toward the coming generation
of Mac programmers who have been raised on multimedia and hi-res
video games."
"Kids today are bored with environments like MPW, Symantec C++, or
CodeWarrior," Frehley explains. "What's cool about those products?
Nothing! Look at their displays - they're boring! We try to make
software development an engaging interactive experience." And
indeed, Multimedia C++ is a radical departure from earlier
development environments. For instance, compiler errors appear on
screen as various scenarios. Attempting a build with a missing
library might deposit the developer in an abandoned castle. How to
overcome the error? Find the hidden key and unlock the wizard's
tower. Performing a search and replace throughout a source tree
becomes a seek-and-destroy commando scenario through a deviously
clever maze. "Kids understand this stuff," Frehley explains.
"These techniques greatly enhance their productivity as
programmers." Indeed, one thirteen-year-old beta tester wrote a
complete page layout program in a seven-hour session.
Interactive scenarios aren't the only enhancements UrbanWerks has
made. QuickTime videos featuring celebrities from the Mighty
Morphin Power Rangers to Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder guide fledgling
programmers through common tasks such as creating an event loop or
implementing graceful error handling. The interface of Multimedia
C++ uses the latest in 3-D technology to provide fully-rendered
and anti-aliased function templates, and its code-optimization
routines are uniquely intuitive (a secondary window is displayed,
and the faster your code scrolls by, the faster it's running).
Taking advantage of Macintosh Drag and Drop technology, Multimedia
C++ allows users to simply drag syntax errors to the trash. "Sure
beats looking it up in a manual," said one beta tester. "I
probably didn't need that code anyway."
UrbanWerks says the suggested price of the Multimedia C++ CD-ROM
is $299.95, with a special six-player network edition retailing
for $499.95 (includes ADB game controller adapter for Sega and
Nintendo systems).
UrbanWerks -- <info@urbanwerks.com>
SimWord
-------
by Tonya Engst <tonya@tidbits.com>
Frankly, I'm bored with the current crop of word processors. They
all have more features than my vintage 1985 copy of MacWrite, and
in that ten year interim, few of the new features make it easier
to figure out what to write. With the exception of a few
children's products, none of them have a sense of fun or
exploration, although Word 6.0's 3,634 commands sometimes provide
an acute sense of disorientation and frustration.
I can no longer sleep properly - my dreams are twisted by my
love-hate relationship with Word 5's Outline View, and constantly
interrupted with fearful visions of Nisus Writer's Macros menu
droppping down out of my monitor to the office floor, through the
basement, and burrowing into the earth, never to be seen again.
Writers of the world unite! I propose a new breed of word
processors, a breed with spirit, soul, and simplicity. Maxis, are
you listening? I want SimWord.
SimWord is a new concept in word processing, and it turns writing
into a game. When you launch SimWord to start a new document, you
choose from options such as Novel, Essay, Humor, Technical, Short
Story, and Poetry. The interface features one palette, whose
buttons are large, labeled, and have nifty pictures on them, so
it's easy to discern one button from the other.
**Disasters** -- To get started with your document, you first
choose what kinds of Disasters you want. Disasters add that random
human element to your writing that computers otherwise have such
trouble emulating. You can go for a simple Quotation Storm that
randomly inserts quotes from George Will in your document. Or, you
might choose Flooding, which arbitrarily adjusts your words (using
the thesaurus to make sure they still mean the same thing) so that
the rivers (vertical white space) in your document become large
and unsightly. If you are the sort who likes to occasionally throw
out your whole document and start fresh, you might turn on the
Volcano disaster - the special sounds and visuals are just
wonderful, but the clean-up time afterwards could make you miss
your deadline.
**Zoning** -- After you set up your disasters, you use railroad
tracks (much like Word's section breaks or Nisus Writer's and
MacWrite's rulers) to separate your document into sections and
zone them for different activities. For example, you might have
Introduction, Credits, Summary, Basic Text, and so on. SimWord
comes with about 50 possible zones, but the architecture of the
program is such that third-parties can come out with their own.
Once you zone your document, you must create an environment
conducive to words staying in the zone where you type them. This
is where the strategy comes in, because if you type text in a zone
where it feels uncomfortable, it will migrate to a different zone.
The migration animation is terrific, so if you aren't in a rush,
it's worth ignoring strategy for a while. To see an example, type
"bus" - without the quotes - in a freshly zoned Introduction.
Unless the title of your document has something to do with travel
or transportation, the three characters in bus morph into a neon
green school bus with lots of stuck-on decals, and complete with
engine noises, the school bus moves into the Body section, squeals
to a halt, lets ten kids of the bus, and morphs back into the word
"bus." The names of the kids who got off the bus also appear in
the Body section. You can turn off the sounds if you find them too
distracting.
If you create a sufficiently conducive environment through well-
thought out titles, carefully crafted sentences, and the like,
SimWord will generate words and move them into your document. In
effect, the program will start writing for you. Once generated
words start moving into your zones, you can go have a cup of
coffee and find your work nearly done when you return, though if
you use a 68000 machine like the SE, you may have to go have a
proper meal.
**Congestion** -- The more trouble you have putting words in the
right zones, the more they migrate to other zones, and the more
likely you are to have traffic control problems. The problems can
be somewhat alleviated by using the Cross-Reference command. It
works like a Star Trek-style transporter, and words that are
cross-referenced can quickly move between zones outside of the
normal flow of traffic. If traffic conditions become untenable,
the words request an airport so that phrases that just aren't
working out can leave, and replacements can be flown in. I've
found that erecting Stadiums in the different zones also helps,
because it gives the words a higher quality-of-life and makes them
more likely to stick around. If you don't pay sufficient attention
to the quality of life, your writing will lean more and more
toward the style of Dostoevsky. A unpleasant side effect is that
your document will gain an additional 500 pages, mostly composed
of turgid conversation interspersed with lots of Russian names.
**Corruption** -- To prevent your document from becoming
corrupted, you must keep the financial situation under control.
Each zone can have a Commissioner, and you use the Insert
Commissioner command to add a Commissioner. Without a
Commissioner, the zone becomes a black market. Black markets
encourage informal trading, which can cause real problems because
your words will trade characters with each other. Some words will
be better traders than others, so you'll end up with lots of two-
and three-character words limping along and other words that get
so long and powerful that they start making their own zones,
called Criminal Zones, where stray words are killed and stripped
of their vowels. Norton Utilities sometimes can delete a Criminal
Zone, but other times the corruption is so bad that you must copy
and paste the good zones into a new document. Commissioners must
be paid for, and you must set the salary such that you attract and
keep honest Commissioners.
**Ratings** -- As a replacement to the old-style word processor
ratings boxes that tell your word count, passive verb count, grade
level count, and white blood cell count, SimWord puts up a ratings
box where your words rate you on how much they like your document.
Ratings are based on how much corruption your words perceive, how
much they like their zones, and so on. You must pay close
attention to your ratings at all times so you know where to
allocate more money or where to tighten up your prose. SimWord
retains the Flesch Reading Ease rating, and if it falls too low,
corruption increases, as does government rhetoric.
**Filters** -- SimWord has import filters for most known word
processors, and any feature that a filter doesn't understand gets
turned into an Additional Reading zone. Future versions of SimWord
will output directly to HTML, although the quality of the HTML
code is directly linked to your ratings, once again. If the words
aren't happy, your HTML document will be strewn with
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